


Love Me In Whatever Way

by dulcehernandez



Series: Love Me In Whatever Way [1]
Category: Open Heart (Visual Novels)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Break Up, Cheating, Drama, Explicit Language, F/M, Pregnancy, Romance, Smut, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:28:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24984598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dulcehernandez/pseuds/dulcehernandez
Summary: One moment of weakness can destroy everything you have built.
Relationships: Ethan Ramsey/Main Character (Open Heart), Ethan Ramsey/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Love Me In Whatever Way [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1808455
Kudos: 29





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The annual Edenbrook bonding trip arises some hidden emotions.

The Edenbrook parking lot was crowded with a group of interns and residents getting ready to make their way to a cabin for the weekend as part of Dr. Naveen Banerji’s annual bonding trip. The air was buzzing with excitement as the young people were excited to hit the slopes and sneak in some snowboarding under the guise of bonding. Dr. Baz Mirani, Dr. June Hirata, Dr. Harper Emery, and Dr. Ethan Ramsey were all carpooling together while Dr. Elijah Greene and the young diagnostician were riding with their former respective interns, Sothy Yoeun and Esme Ortega. Dr. Jackie Varma and Dr. Sienna Trinh were riding with Mitch Keller and Gary Garrison. And on the final car, were Dr. Ines De La Rosa and Dr. Zaid Mirani along with Bryce Lahela and Naveen. Unlike the year prior, Naveen had refused to let Ethan cram his girlfriend into his carpool car for the sake of being with his girlfriend. “My boy, it’s a short ride. You’ll be reunited before you know it.”

It sparked an annoyance with Ethan. Once again, he was forced to leave the comfort of his own home and his girlfriend to mingle with people he didn’t want to be around when he was actually paid to do so. As everybody was gathering ready to leave the couple was kissing incessantly much to the dismay of others. At the start of their relationship he would have been the first to reject any display of affection in public, but after almost two years in a relationship everybody at the hospital was cognizant of their relationship thus he gave himself larger liberty to express himself. He was wearing a navy blue double breasted wool coat while she was sporting a light pink puffer jacket with a white turtleneck peeking through. “I’m gonna miss you so much” he moaned as he pulled her closer to him grabbing her waist pressing kisses all over her face. “I’d say I wish you were in my car but you’d shoot yourself before spending anytime with the interns.” He chuckled at her remark, “My god, you know me so well. I’m so in love with you.” They continued to desperately kiss each other when Jackie and Bryce managed to grab their attention. 

“Ugh, get a room” glared Jackie as she carried boxes of snacks to her car. 

“No kidding” said Bryce expertly avoiding the sight of them. While Bryce and the young doctor had managed to maintain their friendship after she chose Ethan over him, it still stung to see the sight of them together and he would not shy away from letting them know. 

“Hey, we’re leaving with or without you” shouted Elijah.

“That’s my cue...” They kissed once more and he watched her walk away to the opposite side of the parking lot. She had an arm wrapped around Esme’s shoulder and they giggled to one another. He saw how she interacted with her coworkers waving and hugging them all, he loved how in her element she was and how it seemed everybody including him was drawn towards her.

He walked towards Harper’s car to find June sitting in the backseat by herself. He instinctively took shotgun and began fiddling with the car stereo system. He felt June pull up next to him almost breathing down his neck. “Oh Ethan, she has you wrapped around her little finger,” teased June in the car. In an exasperated sigh, Ethan turned and glared at June and responded, “Whatever could you mean by that, Hirata.” June sensed she had peaked his interest and it lit a fire within her, “I just think it's adorable how devastated you are to be on this car ride with us while she’s out there enjoying spending time with her friends without her.” “June, stay out of my relationship. I’m not going to ask you again.” Before June could formulate a rebuttal, Baz and Harper entered the car.

“Are we ready?” Harper glanced at Ethan sensing that something was bothering him, their previous romantic entanglement had made her perceptive to his troubles even when she attempted to ignore them knowing it was not her place to heal him any longer. She placed a hand on his shoulder and he returned the gesture with a growing sense of gratitude as he placed his hand on top of hers and they began to drive. Despite not being in a relationship with her anymore, Ethan felt that Harper was one of the only people who truly knew him. June glanced at the sight before her with perceptive curiosity and shot them a stare that spoke volumes but they were deeply involved in a conversation of their own and failed to acknowledge her. 

As the ride from hell was coming to an end for Ethan he saw his girlfriend sitting on Bryce's shoulders as they were walking with Jackie, Esme, and Gary towards the slopes. He saw Jackie was holding a six pack of beer and everybody was deeply engaged in whatever story Gary was recalling. The group was laughing but when he got out of the car, his girlfriend's eyes immediately met his and she hopped off Bryce’s back and ran into his arms. He held her and smelled her strawberry scented hair. The rest of her body reeked of his cologne which she had taken over as hers.

She grinned, ecstatic to be reunited, “How was the ride here? I already settled into our room and it is very cozy. I guess we’re gonna have to put it up to good use tonight, huh?”

He chuckled and whispered, “I will not be objecting to spending any time with you.”

She looked up at him adoringly and despite knowing the answer, she still asked, “We’re going to be hitting the slopes. Will you be joining us?” There was a part of her that wished he made an effort to spend time with people besides her, his father, and Naveen but she was still grateful for how much growth and effort he constantly made for their relationship. 

During the car ride, Ethan had decided that he wanted to grant her some space to spend time with her friends. The frequency of his jealousy had been the source of many of their troubles and he wanted to maintain a levelhead and show the object of his affection that he trusted her. Furthermore, the sight of her interacting with all of their coworkers earlier that day made him realize that despite the fact that he would rather do anything than spend time with them, he did not want to stand in the way of her and the friendships she was forming with them. 

“I’m gonna freshen up before dinner and have to talk to Naveen," he responded as he looked down at her and caressed her cheek. 

As he began to drift off back into his internal dilemma, he was brought back to earth by the dulcet tone of her voice asking, “Save me a seat?”

He pulled her in for a final kiss before motioning her return to her friend group who had stood nearby awaiting her return, smiled and said, “Wouldn’t have it any other way, Rookie.”

The log cabin they were staying at was incredibly impressive and was at no extra expense to any of the attendees all courtesy of Naveen. It had private bedrooms and bathrooms, a kitchen, a large living room space for everyone to gather by the fireplace after dinner, as well as a spacious jacuzzi. As everyone else was exploring in awe of their home for the weekend, Ethan began settling into his room as he heard a knock on his door. A wave of relief washed over him as he saw Harper standing before him at the doorway. He let himself melt into her as they hugged.

"I could sense that something was troubling you."

"Am I that obvious, Emery?" They walked into the room and they sat next to each other in bed. His eyes wandered around his room and he saw his girlfriend had unpacked some of her clothes and hung them, her book was by the bedside table, and her cosmetics were dispersed over the mirror by the entryway. 

"No, I'm just that good at reading you, Ethan." Harper placed her hand on his lap and began to caress it. He leaned his head to the crook of her shoulder. They hadn’t been this close since he had gotten in a relationship but it felt familiar like returning to your old stomping grounds.

She pressed a soft kiss to his temple and inquired, "What’s going on?"

“I think I’m going to lose her. Perhaps not today or anytime soon but one day she’s going to resent me for holding her back and there’s nothing I can do. I don't fit into her world. At times, I can't help but recognize how different we are. What if I lose her like I lost you?”

“You didn't lose me, I'm still here. Besides, she loves you, I can tell. She looks at you how I used to.”

“Harper...”

“I know.” They gazed into each other with such intensity. Ethan felt his heart bursting out of his chest. He was aware that he had to be in control of what he was able to. He hesitatingly leaned towards her and Harper hushed knowingly, “She doesn’t have to know.” Ethan nodded and it was as if the floodgates had opened within them. They kissed each other viciously and ripped through each other’s clothes and christened the bed. Harper got on top of him and took her time satisfying all his urges, something she had gotten extremely familiar with during their previous rendezvous. It had been almost two years since they had slept together but Ethan’s body still felt familiar and warm towards her. It excited her that he still got hard for her. “God, I want to make you feel good” moaned Harper as she made her way to satisfy his growing sex.

He recalled that he had verbatim said the same thing to his girlfriend during one of the first times they had ever slept together. He was angry at himself but projected that onto the woman before him. Their hips were grinding on top of the other until they both climaxed. The sheets were the only things covering their naked bodies. After a while Harper got dressed and left while Ethan laid in bed naked reflecting on his shortcomings drowning in guilt. The young doctor entered the room quietly and immediately began undressing for dinner. She was surprised yet thrilled at the sight of her lover and jumped into bed with him, “Baby, I thought we were meeting downstairs. Change of plans?”

She began pressing soft kisses all over his chest as he pulled her chin towards him and he kissed her deeply. It was unlike any other kiss they had ever shared, as if he was trying to compensate for something. Tears began welling in his eyes as he looked at her easily defeated, “I love you so much. I don’t know what I would do with myself if you...” He began to choke up. “Hey, hey... you have me, always” she hushed him gently. She recognized something was troubling him but did not know how to approach the situation. “Did something happen with your dad? Do you want to talk about it?” Her heart felt as if it was going to drop any second at the silence that began to consume them. 

He finally put an end to the stillness of noise and she heard him shakily say with faux assurance, “Move in with me. There’s nothing holding you back and we love each other, right? We shouldn’t delay the inevitable.” She sensed Ethan’s desperation and kissed him to soothe his troubles. She assumed he was nervous about the proposal to move in with him and nodded and she gazed into his eyes, “I want nothing more. I can start moving my things in when we go back to Boston, okay?” She rested her head on his chest and could hear his accelerated heartbeat pounding out of his chest still. “You smell different, Ethan. I like it.” 

He hadn't accounted for Harper's lingering scent on him and nervously tried to sway the conversation with humor as he replied, “You would like anything of mine, Rookie. Let’s go to dinner.” She giggled and began drawing circles on his chest as his breathing began to steady in comparison to earlier, “Are you sure, you're up for dinner? I think everyone will understand if you don’t want to socialize.”

“I’m sure.” He pressed a subtle kiss to her shoulder blade before she stood to continue getting ready for dinner.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth is revealed.

Ethan Ramsey never imagined he would be the kind of man who could have easily slipped into domesticity, but with her everything was effortless. It had been eight weeks after the hospital trip to the cabin lodge and much to his relief the rest of the weekend had unfolded without inconveniences. For the remainder of the weekend, Harper and him made a distinct effort to maintain their distance from the other and not acknowledge their romantic entanglement. Much to her surprise, he was fiercely attached to his girlfriend's side and spent his time with her friend group throughout their time at the cabin.

After their return to Boston, in an effort to keep her promise to him, she began to move into his luxurious apartment after getting her former intern, Esme Ortega to take over her lease on such short notice. They had adjusted so comfortably to their routine and living pattern when she spent the night at his place that the transition was virtually seamless. He gained comfort in sharing his life and simple pleasures with her that he began envisioning a future where this in turn became a permanent commitment to their love. He enjoyed cooking elaborate dinners with her on weekdays, being in the same room as she was immersed in books while he devoured through his medical journals, or the sometimes tedious process of getting ready for bed.

In her case, she craved the quieter moments like knowing Ethan would be the first and last person she would see before falling asleep, she loved the process of showering together, and the fact that Ethan's fragrance had overpowered her own laundry detergent and all of her clothes smelled like him. Every moment spent with him was euphoric and she wanted the feeling to last forever. For the past few months she had unconsciously distanced herself from her friends and she only saw them during work or when they would debrief at Donahue's after a long shift. Whenever her friends would call her out on it, she always remained incredibly apologetic towards her former roommates and friends but there was a part of her that felt truly intoxicated by Ethan's mere presence. That part of her craved to be by his side at all times of the day and ached when they were apart. They saw themselves as a team that was inextricably linked and despite being afraid to admit it even to herself, she could have spent forever by his side even if they were the only people in the world.

As the weeks continued to pass, the guilt consuming him in regards to what had transpired that weekend began to fade away. They were madly in love, more than they had ever been, and he reassured himself that there was no reason to air out his dishonesty because of what a great place they were in at the moment and he had been going above and beyond to repair his relationship by showering her with affection and surprise trips and gifts. 

That was until one night he had spent at his office doing paperwork while his girlfriend was out with friends when Dr. Harper Emery entered his office with a troubled look on her face and news that were about to change the course of his entire life.He was shell shocked and drove back home in complete silence in fear of the next conversation that he knew he had to have. When he entered his apartment, he was greeted by his doberman Jenner but he couldn't bring himself to pet him. His heart dropped as he saw his girlfriend scrolling through her phone while laying on the couch. He had hoped that she would still be at the bar or perhaps sleeping but she greeted him with a sing-song voice and muttered something about a surprise dinner that was almost ready. 

At the moment he was unaware of what overtook him before he heard the words, "Harper is pregnant," spew out of his mouth. 

She wasn't close to Harper Emery but she felt genuine happiness for her growing family and in association with her friend Aurora's future cousin, she mumbled curiously, "I didn’t know she even wanted kids. Do we know who the lucky guy is?" In that moment, a deafening moment of silence overtook the room. Ethan felt like his life stopped the very minute he heard her question and shivered. As she recognized the peculiar length of the silence and lack of response she gazed from her phone and her eyes met Ethan's searching for answers in his expression.

Before he opened his mouth to respond, her body feared in anticipation the answer to her question. Nerves began to etch her mind and she felt her body go numb as she heard Ethan in a quivering tone confirm her suspicions.

He gulped and tried to avoid her gaze while admitting, "Me. I need to preface that I was feeling vulnerable and..."

She felt her body move as her heartbeat accelerated, her hands began to cover her face as a coping mechanism, "When did this happen?"

"The night I asked you to move in with me."

Anger began enveloping her body as she heard herself uncharacteristically shout, "I can’t believe you. You took me away from my friends and any kind of safety net. I wanted to marry you and have your children. I stood by you through everything. I don't deserve this, Ethan." She rubbed her eyes before whispering a question she was unsure she wanted the answer to, "Is she going to keep it?" 

He was sitting across from her on the floor, his face also buried into his body, "Yes. She said she never thought being a mother was in the cards for her so she wants to see this through. I told her I would support her through her decision but we can push through this. I promise. We can help Harper raise the child and..."

He was immediately cut off by a snarky response, "Yeah, becoming mommy dearest to both of my boss' offspring has always been my dream."

Frustration began to consume Ethan as he felt the beginning of the end nearing. He knew what he did was inexcusable but there was a part of him that still remained defensive, one that believed that in a perfect world everything would work itself out. He found himself snapping saying out of pure spite, "Oh come on, you can’t expect me to believe that there was nothing going on with the scalpel jockey since we’ve been together."

As soon as she looked into his eyes, he recognized the mistake of the words he had just delivered and regret once again returned to him. She shook her hurt overwhelming her facial expression, she uttered bitterly, "Bryce is my friend. Our boundaries have always been clear. He has respected our relationship in a way you obviously didn’t.”

"I still love you!"

"Am I supposed to believe that after you fathered your ex girlfriend’s kid while we were still together?"

Before he could respond, he saw she stood and reached for her purse as she made her way out the door. He fell to both of his knees before her and hugged her waist tightly with tears starting to quickly materialize from his face. 

He cried, "Stay. Please don't leave me." 

"Ethan, don't make it harder on me."

As she walked out of the apartment that night uncontrollably sobbing the only words that haunted her were the echoes of Ethan's cries out to her as he attempted to hold onto her.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry... please forgive me."

She had called in sick for the past three days and all of his calls were immediately going to voicemail. All of her friends were giving him the silent treatment and glancing at him with icy stares as they passed by him during rotations or at the cafeteria which revealed to him that they had been informed of his shortcomings and they would be no use in trying to get any information on her whereabouts. Despite their burning curiosity, June and Baz refrained from inquiring about the young doctor missing from the diagnostics team meetings due to the overwhelming tension in the room. 

On the third night from what he believed to be his living hell, he decided to spend the night at his office for everything including her scattered belongings reminded him of her. Late into the night while he was on his third cup of Vienna coffee he felt a presence enter his office and his eyes immediately shot up filled with hope that his rookie was ready to have a conversation. Although under any other circumstances he would have been glad to see his mentor, he couldn't help but feel a sense of disappointment when he saw the older man silently taking a seat before him. Without looking up from his desk, Ethan deliberated before admitting, "Naveen, I made a mistake. I think I did something that is going to destroy my relationship." He knew he didn't have to explain anything to the man to know that he would give him a clear and necessary perspective but there was still a part of him that hated admitting his faults to somebody he deeply admired but he knew this was the only person in the world who would be honest with him. 

Naveen's voice rang deeply when he spoke, "My boy, I think your relationship is strong enough to withhold anything. I see the way you two carry the other. She’s been willing to risk everything for you time and time again. You won."

"Then why does it feel like I lost her?"

"Do you love her?""

"I love her more than I ever thought it was possible to love anyone in the world. I love to watch her grow and learn. I love when she speaks. I love her hands and her face and when I’m with her all my fears are at ease."

"Then you haven’t lost."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time makes the heart grow fonder.

Dr. Ethan Ramsey was at the grocery store with his five year old daughter with Harper Emery, Gianna chatting up a storm as they diligently stocked up on produce they were collecting in the various aisles of the brightly lit store. His daughter was curious, intuitive, and always kept Harper and Ethan on their feet. She was by far Ethan's greatest accomplishment and he could not help but always burst with love at the mention or sight of her. He loved her even before he met her, he had been present at every single one of Harper's appointments and had remained by her side for Gianna's birth. When he held her the night she was born, every single doubt he had about parenthood faded away at the sight of his daughter. Much to the relief of both of them, Ethan and Harper were excellent coparents. Despite having her own room at both of their places, Gianna always felt comfortable, happy, and at home at whatever parent's home she was staying at for the weekend. Her adaptability to the ever changing world before her was another trait the parents were eternally grateful for. The night Harper and Ethan brought her home from the hospital, they vowed to one another to be present for all of their daughter's milestones which meant they seldom missed a holiday or birthday together, and were always a unit at events like Gianna's first day of Kindergarten. Everybody at Edenbrook adored her and consistently reminded the surgeon and diagnostician that they had undeniably created a wunderkind of a human. Yet what surprised Ethan the most about fatherhood was how much he enjoyed the responsibility he had undertaken by choosing to take care of another human being. 

As Ethan was reaching for a water bottle he turned to make room for the figure reaching for it beside him. His hand lingered on hers before he realized the identity of the woman in front of him, his rookie. They were both stunned and for a brief moment felt as if time had stopped. He was not a believer in fate but it was difficult not conceptualize that the stars had aligned for the two of them to meet after years of radio silence.

His piercing blue eyes still manage to strike her giddy despite the time that had passed. When they dated, it was hard for her to believe that Ethan was hers. It felt as if the universe had conspired in her favor to create a singular beautiful specimen who had chosen her despite all the trials and tribulations they had faced together. Trying to break the deepening spell she found herself struck by, her eyes shifted to the young girl with curly hair sitting before her and smiled. She looked back at Ethan and marveled, "Ethan, she is so beautiful." When he looked at her, he saw how warm and welcoming her eyes were and felt himself inclined to kiss her. After finally mustering up for the courage to respond he smiled softly and responded, "This is Gianna, can you say hi to daddy’s friend?"

In a sing-song voice, she laughed and sweetly answered, “Hi, daddy’s friend.” Her overall resemblance but especially her smile was uncanny to her stunning mother. There was a part of her that wondered what life she would have led with Ethan by her side if she had taken him up on his offer to raise Gianna together. Ethan was visibly nervous as if he was trying to make every word count, he was unsure if this was the last time he would speak to her again. 

He gulped before inquiring, "Are you back in Boston for good?"

"I'm here for Sienna and Danny's wedding. I'm staying at the Hilton and then I'm back to London."

“You’ve become quite the world traveler, huh? Sienna has kept me updated on your adventures.” After their breakup, she never returned to Edenbrook. After a long conversation with Naveen, he had agreed to sign off on a transfer to a hospital in California which led her to a different opportunity to work abroad after her residency had ended. The work had been fulfilling and challenging and it had allowed her to recognize how devoted she had been to Ethan from the beginning of her career. The space and time had allowed her to grow and become a more self actualized version of who she wanted to be. 

Despite the pain of Ethan's infidelity, her newfound independence made her realize that she had fled not just because of the betrayal but because she needed an exit strategy. The love she felt for Ethan was deep and all consuming, the lengths of it scared her. She murmured with sincerity hoping the man she once loved understood, “Ethan, it wasn’t because...” The look she was giving him was one mixed with pain and wonder.

“I know” he responded quietly. He wanted to hold her, soothe and troubles, and most of all listen to the dulcet tone of her voice. He wanted to hear about every aspect of her life for the past five years but he sensed his daughter's anticipation for the day to carry on was beginning to overpower her patience. 

“Daddy, can we go to the park later?”

“Sure, Gigi.”

His eyes never left hers as he responded to his daughter's question. He was trying to analyze every inch of her as if she might fade away if he glanced away for a second. She looked older but there was a newfound sense of confidence in which she carried herself in. Her style had gotten more sophisticated as if long were the days when she wore oversized ripped shirts and lounged around in her underwear when they still lived together, but perhaps she still wore them. There was a hesitance in her voice before admitting out loud that she should get going. 

Ethan knew he had to seize the opportunity in front of him and he found himself asking with a hint of desperation, “Can I see you tonight? Let’s get dinner.”

It was as if every rational bone in her body had dissipated in that moment as she heard herself reply with a simple, “Sure.”

That evening, Ethan made his way up to her suite as he found her still getting ready for dinner. He chuckled to himself as he recognized that punctuality was still not her strong suit, much like when they were dating. When she opened the door, they immediately embraced one another, her head resting on his chest and his arms across her neck; both of them scared to let go of the other. He closed his eyes and kissed her hair while breathing in her scent. For a minute, the moment felt all too familiar.

Finally he pulled away as they walked into the room, “You look great. You were wearing the necklace I got you for our anniversary when I saw you earlier.” 

She giggled with amusement as she held the pendant on her chest, "It’s Cartier, Ethan. I’m not going to let it go to waste because we’re not together anymore.”

He felt more comfortable in her presence and cocked an eyebrow in her direction before vocalizing in a husky tone, “I did always have great taste in jewelry and women..." Their eyes were trained on the other with pure adoration, their connection was still evident despite the elapsed time. He looked as if something was weighing him down before guilt emerged in his facial expression and he gently mentioned, “I’m sorry about...”

Before allowing him to finish, she knew what he intended to apologize for and stopped him, “You have nothing to be sorry about. You have a beautiful daughter and I always knew you were meant to be a father.”

They were standing in front of the other, painfully close, he reached for her face and caressed her cheek before admitting, “I wanted that with you, for us.”

“So did I.”

As Ethan was about to lean in to kiss her, she turned and asked, “Can you zip me up?” He nodded his head and zipped up her skin tight black dress adorning her body. Afterwards pressing a soft kiss on her shoulder blade. He gripped her waist from behind and she held onto the strong hand placed on her body. They both felt their breaths get heavier by the other's touch. 

“What do you want from me?” her voice trembled terrified of what she would do with the lack of self control she never managed to get rid of. She feared that all the progress she had made would vanish if her lips met his. Being with Ethan made her feel like the fresh doe eyed young intern she was when she first met him years ago.

There was an irresistible confidence to his tone of voice, “I want us to be together. We can still be a family.”

“Ethan, I’m almost the same age you were when we first met. You don’t even know me. At least not this version of me I’ve changed.”

“I want to know you as you really are that hasn’t changed, not for me.” She recalled a conversation they had during her first year at the Diagnostics team. Ethan had confessed to her while they were researching a case for their patient Gwyneth Monroe that he had begun to view her under a complicated yet truer light. When she had first heard those words, the thought had terrified her but now it was incredibly comforting. She turned around and pressed her hand to Ethan’s chest and looked into his eyes filled with longing. The accelerated drum of his heart revealing to her that he felt the same way about her that she did him.

He continued, “I still love you, I never stopped. Having a kid has only made me realize that I can be the man you wanted me to be.”

“This isn’t sustainable and you know it.”

“Then why did you agree to meet up for dinner?”

“I missed you.”

“Do you still love me?”

“Ethan, don’t ask me that...” They felt the other inch closer and closer before their lips crashed onto the other, it happened so quickly neither was aware of who had moved first. Her hands began to move underneath his shirt as she began to kiss him lustfully like he was the only thing she craved. Her lips had a lingering scent of scotch she had downed earlier to ease her nerves and Ethan couldn't get enough of it. 

His hands began to quickly unzip the dress he had just done up and rapidly pushed her to the cool sheets of the king bed. As her dress hit the floor, he surveyed her body in awe, as he took notice of the white lace strapless brassière and its matching lace thong. Her toned stomach and tanned body popped off in contrast to her skin tone. He groaned as his member grew bigger at the sight before him. She tangled her legs against his waist and he began kissing her collarbone and while cupping her breast. Her moans were like music to his ears, a symphony he longed to never end.

She began to rip through his dress shirt craving for their naked bodies to become one and he swiftly removed his pants. He went down on her and began kissing the folds of her lips. He soon began to insert himself inside of her as her nails clawed behind his back. Their mouths found each other once more and they hungrily kissed the other as if every kiss counted in order to make up for lost time. They continued grinding repeatedly despite being exasperated and breathless. He began sucking on the skin all over her chest forming love bites as trails to where he had been, taking ownership of her body. He came inside her but neither seemed to care. This was what he had missed the most. There was no other place that felt more like home or another person who knew his body as well as she did. 

Afterwards, they were tangled in the sheets pondering what this meant for their relationship. Her face was resting on Ethan’s chest and his hand was making his way up and down her bare back. She could feel his heart beating and his chest rise up and down as he wrapped his strong arms around her. He was the first to break the silence as he divulged, “I dreamed about this for a long time." 

She looked up at him and completely infatuated and replied, "Me too." As Ethan leaned in for another kiss, she interrupted the act and confessed, “I think a part of me will always want that life with you but it's just not my reality. I loved you Ethan so much it consumed me and I needed to leave and find out who I was beyond you or the hospital.” Her voice was trailing away startled at the honesty she had delivered at that moment. 

“I love you. I still do. I will work towards earning your trust if you’ll let me.” When she looked at him, she recognized the vulnerability in which he was carrying himself at the moment. He was unguarded, a position she rarely saw him in when they were together. There was something within her that shifted as she laid by his side, she felt like a world that she had closed off long ago was now a possibility. She leaned into him and kissed him delicately. She found herself wanting to remain by his side for as long as she could and softly asked him, “Will you come to Sienna’s wedding with me?”

“Absolutely.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A commitment to love is made.

“You invited Dr. Ramsey to my wedding?” screeched Sienna as Jackie and Aurora were attempting to help her get into her wedding dress. Sienna was one of the most stunning brides they had ever encountered. She had opted for a fairytale theme and had picked a breathtaking ball gown dress to wear to the ceremony and was wearing a subtle dewy makeup look that made her glow. 

“The asshole who cheated on you, impregnated his ex girlfriend and basically forced you to leave Boston because you were so humiliated? No offense, Aurora.” added Jackie as she handed Sienna an ivory colored heel. 

"None taken" mumbled Aurora. Aurora was visibly uncomfortable at any mention of her aunt Harper and Ethan Ramsey. She could often feel her body tense up due to the nature of her relationship with both parties. After her friend had left Edenbrook, she had a strained relationship with her aunt Harper for months, but the birth of Gianna had clearly developed a warmer side she had never witnessed in Harper. Aurora had begun to see Ethan in a kinder light when she got to know him at family events or when she would babysit Gigi. Despite not being responsible for the trouble, there was a part of her that felt incredibly apologetic that she never took a firm stance despite her friend insisting that she shouldn't get involved in drama that wasn't about her. 

“Oh well, when you put it that way guys...” the diagnostician mumbled as she was applying a matte nude lipstick that complemented the forest green bridesmaid dresses all the women in the room were wearing. Worry began to consume Sienna as she began rambling, “You know Dr. Emery is coming right and she’s bringing her daughter? I don't want you to get hurt again.” She walked over and helped fix fly away hairs for Sienna and grabbed her face gently, “Good news is that I already met their daughter. She's adorable. And, I for one am excited to see The Ramseys, an all American family, in action, aren't you all?" There was a hint of nerves and sarcasm to accompany her last sentence. 

As the women continued to discuss the matters at hand, they heard a knock at the door and saw Dr. Bryce Lahela, looking handsome, materialize by the doorframe with his arms crossed against his chest. He smiled as his eyes met the young doctor's and she made her way towards him and hugged him tightly. Charming as ever he produced an affectionate smile, "I heard you needed someone to walk down the aisle with." His hair was slicked back and was wearing the beige suit and a white flower on his lapel that all the groomsmen were sporting. He hugged her back and pressed a gentle kiss on her forehead before whispering, "How are you feeling? Let's walk." They walked arm in arm through the venue in awe of how picturesque it looked.

She felt nerves rising inside her and tried to reassure the surgeon, “Bryce, I’m not the one that’s getting married. You’re asking the wrong person.” They sat down at a bench and she leaned her head on his shoulder. 

“Actually I don’t think I am. Your date to this wedding is your ex boyfriend whom you haven't spoken to in five years and do I have to add that the main factor for your breakup, Harper freaking Emery is also in attendance?" 

Years ago, she would have also blamed Harper for her breakup but time away had allowed her to adopt a different perspective. She replied, "Harper is not the reason that Ethan and I are not together, Ethan is. He was always insecure and I think he always had this fear that I was going to leave him and that led him to do something that eventually pushed me away. If worse comes to worse, you’ll be by my side?"

Without hesitation, he answered, “Aren’t I always?” Bryce wasn't wrong about this. Despite moving abroad, all of her friends had made an effort to visit her wherever she was. When she was alone for the holidays in Brazil, Bryce took three weeks off of work and stayed with her until after New Year's Day, they had traveled to Hawaii together for Keiki's high school graduation, when she received an award for her accomplishments, he flew with Sienna and Aurora to attend the gala and ceremony in London. He had remained a constant force in her life and she felt eternally grateful for him.

She softly kissed Bryce's cheek and they linked their arms together as they saw the bridesmaids and groomsmen get ready to walk down the aisle. As the ceremony was starting a live rendition of "If You Were The Only Girl In The World" was playing across the venue. 

**"If you were the only girl in the world and I were the only boy, Nothing else would matter in the world today, We could go on loving in the same old way..."**

As she walked down the aisle with Bryce she tightly gripped his arm, she could tell that some of the people in attendance were hushing about her return. Her eyes briefly met Ethan's as he smiled looking at her. Years ago, the sight of her and Bryce together might have sparked jealousy within him but he wanted a blank slate with her and hoped she would too if she saw how much he was trying to change for the sake of their future. He was sitting with an arm across Harper's chair and she could tell the young parents were ecstatic to see their daughter walk as the flower girl at the wedding. 

The moment she stood in her place by the altar, she glanced over at Danny and was touched by the sheer fact that it appeared here was not a single nerve in his body. She was so happy for her friend and knew Sienna was incredibly deserving of a beautiful love. Everybody gasped when they saw Sienna walk down the aisle effortlessly. The ceremony was a pure commitment to Danny and Sienna's mutual love, respect, and adoration for one another. Yet the highlight was Sienna's vows to Danny.

When she recited her vows she said with a deep sincerity, “Danny, you are a million dreams come true. I just could have never predicted I would have met and fallen in love so quickly my intern year but everything I do with you just makes sense. You are patient. You are kind. You are funny. I am the best version of myself every single day that I spend with you. I can't wait for us to grow old together and continue to discover new reasons as to why I am so in love with you. You are my best friend and I’m the luckiest person on Earth to call you mine. I vow to love you completely and unconditionally for the rest of our days together." Everyone cheered as the happy couple officially were pronounced man and wife.

She looked up to Bryce at the same time he did and they giggled upon realizing that they had both failed at holding back the tears they had produced while listening to Sienna. As the groomsmen and bridesmaids began walking down the altar, her eyes moved and saw Gianna sitting on Ethan's shoulders clapping for the happy couple, in front of her was a smiling Aurora waving to her cousin. 

The reception was a couple hours after the ceremony and the sun had begun to fall. She found herself being swarmed by people she once knew trying to grasp any details they could about her return. She could sense that Ethan was giving her the space she needed in order to acclimate to the environment, but they couldn't help but shoot glances at the other when meaningful things were occuring like the first dance between the bride and groom or when it was time for speeches. 

At one point during the reception, she was discussing the logistics of a popular franchise film with Elijah and Bryce when Gianna Ramsey sneakily got in between them trying to get Bryce's attention. Bryce and Harper worked together for extended periods of time and he had grown close with Gigi. Gigi was enchanted by Bryce and always drew pictures for him to hang in his office and liked to spend time in his office when Harper was wrapping up paperwork or had a last minute errand to run before going home. The surgeon grinned as the young girl approached him and quickly carried her into her arms while continuing the conversation with his friends. She burst into infectious giggles and lightly tapped Bryce's face to get his attention.

"Bryceeeeee, did you know my mom said I could maybe get a puppy when I turn six."

"Oh yeah? That's a good deal. When I was six all my parents got me was a hamster."

"What was your hamster's name?"

He hesitated before answering and asked, "Do you promise you won't make fun of me?" Gianna nodded excitedly at the idea of sharing a secret with Bryce.

"Peanut butter!" her smile widened but her attention shifted towards the doctor besides Bryce.

"You're daddy's friend! You look very pretty."

She was caught off guard by the unplanned interaction but quickly recovered and replied, "Thanks, I think you're pretty too. You did such a good job today, I know Sienna was so happy to have you as her flower girl."

Her eyes widened at the compliment and she excitedly revealed, "I practiced with my mom over the weekend! I want to do it again, it was so much fun. Are you getting married soon? Maybe I could be a flower girl for you."

Before she mustered up a response she saw Harper approaching Bryce and Gianna. Despite no longer holding a grudge against her, she wasn't ready for the necessary conversation she had to have with Harper. She whispered to Bryce, "I'm going to talk to Jackie." Bryce smiled and nodded sympathetically in her direction and continued to chat with Gigi until Harper arrived. Harper's expression shifted apologetically when she saw her walk away wishing they could speak in private even if it was just for the sake of Ethan. Ethan wanted his two worlds to coexist, he knew it would be the only way for both relationships to exist and thrive at the same time.

As she was talking to Jackie, a slow song she recognized, Over & Over by Fleetwood Mac, began flowing all throughout the hall. Jackie looked at her, shaking her head disapprovingly as she watched Ethan approach them. She placed her flute of champagne down and took his hand as he asked for a dance. They swayed slowly in the ballroom and she placed her head on his chest. As they moved to the rhythm of the music, she heard the poignant lyrics.

" **Could you ever need me, And would you know how, yeah don't waste our time, tell me now...** **"**

She whispered to him as if she was admitting something sacred, "You know I used to play this song all the time before we started dating?" The world she was discussing seemed so far away from where they were at now.

“The lyrics still apply...”

**"Don't turn me away, and don't let me down, what can I do to keep you around..."**

“You and Harper and Gigi make a beautiful family. I mean it with all my heart. I wouldn’t want to disrupt that.” They both glanced at Gigi running circles around the ring bearer. She had the unique quality to draw the attention of everyone around her. 

His heart sank as he heard the words coming out of her mouth. “Why did you invite me to be your date?”

“Orgasmic reaction, lack of impulse control”

“I know you still love me”

“So what if I did? There’s nothing I can do about it.”

He gently raised her chin towards him and in a barely audible tone inquired about a moment that had caught his attention earlier that day, “I saw you crying at Sienna’s vows. Why?”

Her hands briefly touched his lips, she didn't dare do more in such a public space, she could feel the song slowly coming to an end before articulating, “I always thought it would be the two of us up there.”

Pain etched his face as he heard her confession. “Can we talk somewhere private?” She nodded as she felt herself choke up yet again that day. They went to the balcony of the venue and Ethan lent her his coat. It’s scent was familiar and intoxicating.

“I want you back. I have changed for the better but ever since you left me it felt as if a part of me was missing. When I saw you again, it further confirmed what I already knew to be true. I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you if I have to. I want to gain your trust back and be a man worth loving. We can pick up right where we left off."

“This is starting to sound like a proposal, Dr. Ramsey.”

“What if it was?" 

The intensity and sincerity of his facial expression shifted something within her. She immediately recognized that he was utterly serious about their future together.

“I would say yes.”

Ethan looked deeply moved and grabbed her face and kissed her. She felt as if she was finally letting go of something that had been weighing on her. “Let’s just keep it private for now, okay? Just between the two of us” He nodded and smiled as he grabbed her by the waist and kissed the crook of her neck.

“I love you so much.”

“I love you, Ethan.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The three men in her life help her grapple with a tough decision.

**I. Ethan**

He was above her while her legs were spread over the dark satin sheets of his bed. The Boston skyline warmly lit their faces in the dark as Ethan's kisses repeatedly worshipping her body made their way to her hipbone and he muttered breathlessly, "I love you... I love you... I love you...” She was bursting with joy as she beamed, "Ethan, I just found out I’m pregnant. This wasn’t an immaculate conception." Despite having sex multiple times after their spontaneous engagement, they both had a hunch that the baby had been conceived the night they reunited for the first time in five years. 

“Ah but a blessed one indeed," he said flirtatiously. After Sienna and Danny's wedding, she had remained in Boston and stayed at their apartment while the couple was away for their honeymoon. Ethan and her had mutually decided that despite their commitment to one another and their future, it would not be the smoothest transition for her to move in with him and his daughter so quickly. She had begun working remotely, but the time difference between her office in London and her life in Boston was taking a toll on her mentally. There were factors of her life abroad that she missed like the friendships she had developed there and the comfort of her own home, but she had yet to address those issues with Ethan for she was still in complete bliss whenever she was around him.

“You don't know how happy you make me. I can't wait for our family to grow. Our son is so lucky to have you as their mother and I am the luckiest man alive."

She stared at Ethan with a devout sense of adoration before teasing him, "You have no way of knowing if we are going to have a son." He went back up to kiss her collarbone leaving a trail of kisses along the way and mumbled, “Oh come on, tell me you don’t feel it." His tone then shifted as he stared at her tenderly and whispered genuinely, "I promise to be there for both of you every step of the way regardless of what happens. You're my dream." The sincerity of his words struck her and she recognized that this was her opportunity to bring up her plans for the future. She caressed the stubble on his face and kissed him before asking him if they could talk. Ethan felt disoriented for a brief moment for he could sense the shift in tone as she explained her plans to return to her home and job in London in which she was eligible to become the chief of medicine at her hospital. Ethan began to shake with such intensity as if he had been blindsided completely. 

In an attempt to calm him down she tried explaining, “Ethan, you had a decade before you met me to establish your career and I’m really passionate about this, I can’t throw it away.”

“You think having our kid would be throwing it away? Harper is still the head of neurosurgery and raising our daughter.”

“Perfect example, Ethan. You knocked it out of the park,” she responded with a growing annoyance at his reaction to the news. 

As if it had hit him suddenly, he asked in an accusatory tone that stung to her core, “Does that mean that I’m not going to be able to raise my kid?”

She sat at the edge of the bed carefully selecting her words trying to take a stance, “I’ll be back in Boston for the big moments. You can have him for your birthday, Father’s Day, whatever holidays you don’t get Gianna. And you can come visit whenever you'd like."

He began to pinch the bridge of his nose as he was pacing back and forth the dimly lit bedroom, "I thought we were back together. We were supposed to be a team.”

She felt her anxiety continuously grow as Ethan began throwing questions her way that she did not have the answers to and before she knew it, she heard herself say, "I need to go on a drive. I'll be back."

"Because that worked so well for us last time." He remarked in reference to the last time she had walked away from him years ago.

"And whose fault was that?" she remarked as she walked up and slammed the door refusing to look back.

* * *

**II. Bryce**

As she began driving through the busy streets of Boston to clear her mind, she found herself at the steps of the apartment building belonging to the only person she could think of that provided her any semblance of familiarity and comfort. Her step quickened as she knocked on the same door that she had every single time she was drowning in troubles back when she was still practicing medicine at Edenbrook. Not long after fervently knocking on his door, Bryce manifested with a curious but welcoming twinkle in his eye. Before asking about the purpose of the spontaneous visit, he drew her in close for a tight embrace as she sighed heavily allowing herself to melt into his arms. He guided her towards his dark leather couch and brought her a glass of water as he sensed her heightened nerves. 

"I suppose you're not here for a one night stand, huh?" he teased with a cheeky smile to accompany the statement.

She had her face buried in her hands and murmured slowly, "I'm pregnant."

Bryce's world felt like it was at a halt as he tried to process the news. He frowned trying to comprehend the timeline behind the pregnancy before stating matter-of-factly, "And I'm assuming Ramsey is responsible for this." She nodded sheepishly but he could tell this was weighing heavily on her. She proceeded to explain her plans to raise her child in London but the conflict that had risen with Ethan earlier that night. 

He held her hand and pressed it against his chest, the hammering of his heart was overwhelming and it was as if the rose colored lenses she had carried all these years had shattered. Bryce looked terrified but mustered up the courage to say the most difficult yet simple words she had heard, "I love you." There lied a distinct hesitation in her voice as she replied, "I love you too, " as if she was convincing herself that she reciprocated the surgeon's feelings to the same degree that he did.

His eyes shot down to their effortlessly interlocked hands before confessing what he knew to be their reality, "That's not true, at least not the way that I've been in love with you for the past seven years. I'm crazy about you. You're all I think about when we are together."

"Bryce..." Her heart crumbled at his revelation. She recalled the nights they had spent together abroad and there was a sudden ache in her heart for the moments she had taken for granted under the assumption that he would be there for her unconditionally, and perhaps down the line if they never found somebody else then they would marry each other. There was a part of her that felt that if she tried hard enough, she could grow to love Bryce the same way he did her. 

His voice was shaky but there was an assurance in his tone that felt like an ultimatum she was not ready to hear, "I don't regret any of it, but I need you to be honest with me even if it hurts. If you can honestly tell me that you want me just as much if not more than you do Ethan then I will raise this baby with you. I will love it just as much as I love you. We can live wherever you want and become a family, but if you don't then I need you to let me go because I am not sure how much longer I can bear the pain and waiting and hoping that one day you will see me how I do you." 

She brushed her thumb over his soft lips, tears slowly building up in both of their faces, but within her hesitation lied the response they had both been dreading. The large apartment felt colder than it had ever felt prior and in the dead of night, they held each other, cried, and let go. 

* * *

**III. Alan**

Weeks after her decision to remain in Boston for the duration of her pregnancy, she arrived in Providence alone and parked outside the bright blue colored home belonging to the Ramseys. As she sat in her car staring at the home, she pictured future hypothetical birthday parties Ethan and her could throw for their future son, she imagined early Christmas mornings the boy could spend with a grandfather she knew would adore him. Despite not having a great or stable relationship with her own father, Ethan’s dad had taken her in as his own when they had first started dating and to this day considered her a daughter. Throughout her pregnancy, she would unbeknownst to Ethan, pay Alan periodic visits to discuss the progress of her pregnancy and spend time with the man. It always fascinated her how similar the two men were as if Alan was echoes of who Ethan would have become if he hadn't been so guarded. There was a part of her that wondered how similar her unborn son would be to Alan and Ethan although she would never share it with Ethan, she hoped that he would resemble the Ramsey men she loved dearly.

The day of her gender reveal ultrasound, Ethan and her held each other's hands tightly and kissed much like he had promised early into her pregnancy he had been present at every doctor's appointment and done everything in his power to help her through morning sickness and pregnancy cravings. They were so excited that for a moment it felt like all of their troubles had vanished and they were the only people in the world. Afterwards they had called Alan to inform him and he had also been delighted at the news though she suspected he would have been just as happy with another granddaughter. 

On the car ride back she teased how his prediction had manifested into reality, "You really are a great diagnostician. We're having a boy. It all feels so right."

"Our son..." He smiled and pressed a kiss against her forehead while he reassured her, "We'll be okay, we'll make it work." 

Her pregnancy had been emotionally draining for both of them. It seemed like there seldom was a time where the two doctors weren't debating the future logistics of where their unborn child would live both unwilling to compromise their fundamental values. This had been one of the moments she would look back on when things felt difficult or like their entanglements would never resolve. 

Before getting the chance to knock on his door, Alan greeted her with a warm hug. She was sporting a high sleek ponytail, a blue Chanel tweed set with high heeled boots that temporarily allowed her to be slightly taller than the man. Despite being months along into her pregnancy, she was still not showing as much as other women regardless Alan tenderly gave her growing baby bump a brief touch. As they entered the home, he insisted immediately, "Sit, my darling. How is my grandchild doing?” Very few people including Harper and Bryce knew about her pregnancy and there was a sense of normalcy that rushed through her at the ability to discuss miniscule moments she was experiencing for the first time. 

She confessed to the man, “Part of me is really nervous. Every single day I'm closer to my due date and I’m scared I won’t be a good mother or I won’t be there in the ways he needs me, Alan.”

“Nonsense, I never thought I’d see Ethan become a father let alone to two children now and he thrives at it and so will you.” She turned around and saw a framed picture of Gianna, Alan, and Ethan and her heart sank as her recurring inner conflict crept into her mind yet again. Part of her wanted a world where she could witness and help raise her son with Ethan by her side, to watch him grow up with a sister that she knew would absolutely adore him. When Ethan and her had revealed to Gianna that she was going to become an older sister, there was only pure joy in her expression, no judgement or resentment that the mother of her future sibling wouldn't be her own. Yet, there was a part of her that still resented Ethan and could bring herself to forgive him wholly for the sacred trust he had broken between them. It was as if she completely let him in, she was giving him the opportunity to break her again. 

Alan grabbed her hand and spoke with conviction as he shared, “Look, I know my Ethan screwed up. I let him have at it when you left town years ago but I can tell he still loves you and never stopped. It’s not the kind of thing that time can heal.”

“Like you and Mrs. Ramsey? You still loved her even after she left.”

“Love can be so complicated but I can assure you that when you let it, it can get you through the most difficult trials and tribulations.”

She felt herself grow emotional yet again as she admitted, “I want to be there for him but there are some things I need to see through. I wish he understood I wasn’t trying to be unreasonable. I didn’t even think I was going to be a mother anytime soon let alone to his child. I just need some time to process.”

Alan nodded with such compassion that made her feel seen and heard,"You are an intelligent young woman. I've known that from the moment I met you. I promise whatever you choose to do will be what's right for you and the baby." 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little life.

The past nine months had been a relatively easy pregnancy on her with the exception of the first trimester. Much to her dismay, all her friends — with the exception of Bryce — had taken turns staying with her and keeping her company when Ethan was held up at the hospital. Rafael would bring her desserts prepared by his Avó and would update her on the early stages of Sora's second pregnancy. Elijah would arrive with a box set of films for long movie marathons though her pregnancy allowed her to sleep through them without being reprimanded while Jackie and Aurora would arrive to work through cases and cook dinner together. There was a part of her that wanted to reach out to Bryce, but chose to exhibit restraint and respect his boundaries with the hope that he would reach out to her when he was ready, though that didn't prevent her from missing her best friend and she would try to covertly get updates on him when Keiki would call her from college to keep her in the loop of her college adventures. Despite being eternally grateful for the company, there was a part of her that craved to be alone if only for the last few days of her pregnancy, a part of her knew she was approaching the last days in adulthood where she would truly be alone and she wanted to take it in. 

As she was rearranging her baby's nursery, she heard a knock on her front door and was stunned to find Dr. Harper Emery standing before her with a rather large box. Harper's eyes briefly shifted to the growing belly before her very eyes before stating matter of factly, "I wanted to drop off this stroller for the baby. I know I couldn't make it to the baby shower but this is an excellent brand and I loved using it when Gianna little." 

She was quickly trying to decipher the ulterior motive behind the action before she addressed the surgeon, "Harper, this wasn't necessary but thank you."

They stood still as the silence grew louder between the two women when suddenly Harper proceeded with a renewed sense of confidence and declared, " I think we should talk if not for us then for Ethan's sake."

A sudden wall of defense began to build around her. She crossed her arms and tried to assert with confidence, "I don't owe Ethan anything." There was an underlying understanding between the two women that the young doctor meant that she did not owe Harper anything. 

Harper was an intelligent woman who predicted this would have been the doctor's response, she replied as if attempting to not give away how many times she had privately rehearsed the sentiment, "Actually, as soon as you give birth we both will be permanent fixtures in his life. It's in both of our best interests to get along for the better of our children who will be siblings whether you like it or not, and Ethan. I'm not going anywhere. I regret hurting you like I did but I don't regret having Gianna. I can't imagine anybody besides Ethan being her father. My daughter is the best thing that has ever happened to me and when you have your son, you will feel the exact same way."

She felt her blood boil at the impending confrontation she had been trying to avoid since she landed in Boston. "Harper, fuck.. ." she winced in an unimaginable pain she had never experienced before getting to finish her sentence. Harper quickly assessed the situation while she surveyed her, " when is your due date? " Her eyes widened as the realization struck her that there was a possibility she was going to have to deliver her baby days before her actual due date.

Harper worked quickly to get her to her car but it was as if the odds were against them and they found themselves stuck in traffic when suddenly she grasped Harper's shoulders to call to her attention, " Harper! I forgot my hospital bag. We have to go back. I need it." 

Harper was firm yet apologetic when she retorted, "The hospital has everything you need and I will call Ethan and he'll bring it to you. We can't leave. Hold my hand."

She was on the verge of tears as Harper gripped her hand tightly, "I can't do this. I'm not ready." Anxiety was beginning to overwhelm her and her breath began to quicken.

"Hey, look at me.... and I promise you, you have such an incredible support system in your friends and most importantly Ethan."

* * *

Harper recalled how isolated she had felt five years prior during her own pregnancy. The first couple of weeks were difficult for she felt like a scarlet letter had been permanently attached to her as the news spread around Edenbrook that she was pregnant and Ethan was the father of her child. It did not take long before people began connecting this to the subsequent disappearance of the gifted young doctor in which she was not spared from criticism from the whispers of nurses or doctors in other departments and even at one point her niece Aurora who had arrived at her apartment one night after work and yelled at her in frustration for forty minutes though at the time it felt longer. Naveen had been delighted for the pair and had been a safe haven for her to confide in though she never divulged to him what others were saying because she knew he would have taken measures to protect her and there was a part of her that wanted to weather this alone and not involve a third party. Much like she had predicted, the hospital staff eventually moved on though she speculated Ethan had been behind the sudden outpour of support she suddenly received. 

While Ethan did his best to maintain appearances to her and the world, she observed that at times early on in the pregnancy he carried a level of resentment for his own actions. Harper's pregnancy had been a consistent reminder of what he had lost in a moment of weakness. She could not blame him for his frustration because she understood a part of him that was wrestling with his abrupt breakup whilst still processing the news that he was going to become a father, another sudden life event she was all too aware that he had never planned for. Ethan Ramsey was somebody who wanted to control every aspect of his life, and although he would never admit it, the lives of others, yet this brief period made him feel helpless to life's circumstances. He recalled how she had moved out of their apartment on one of the nights he had stayed working late in his office and had left her copy of the keys on the kitchen counter. There was no trace of her left behind yet everything reminded him of her. Months after she had left, he found himself calling her in the dead of the night and he found comfort in knowing she hadn't blocked his number because his calls were still going through. The last time he called her was the night before he joined Harper for the baby's first ultrasound. His heart dropped when he heard her voice for the first time in months. 

“Ethan, you have to stop calling,” there was a whine behind her tone though there was a sense of relief to be hearing the voice of the only person she knew was capable of soothing all her troubles. Her move to California was abrupt and lonely despite trying her best to acclimate to a new environment. 

He confessed without shame, “I missed your voice and I miss you like hell.”

“So do I” she regretted admitting. It was only midnight in California but she was growing increasingly tired of how emotionally exhausted the last couple of months had been. She had imagined scenario after scenario of what she would say when she finally decided to answer the phone calls she longed yet dreaded the most. 

Ethan's nightly scotch began to affect his senses and he slurred in an accusatory tone, “No note. No call. You abandoned our home, rookie. You left without a trace. That wasn't fair to us and you know it.”

She felt herself begin to choke up at the turn of events her life had taken , “For years, I fought like hell for us to be together and I don't regret it. Ethan, I loved you so much it consumed me. Whatever we had, I need to let it go and so do you. You're going to be a father soon, and a great one at that. I already know. ”

There was a silence on his end of the line, he felt himself sobering up, trying to salvage what was left of his relationship. He began speaking not knowing what he was getting at but knowing it had to leave his system. 

He divulged, "When we first met, you felt like an unignorable warning. I tried my hardest to stay away from you. I was on the verge of a perpetual nervous breakdown whenever you came around because of Naveen's situation but also because I didn't know what to do about us. I could sense that I was capable of destroying your professional development but I pushed those fears aside. You were worth it to me." 

Ethan had never been the kind of man to wear his heart on his sleeve. She always tried to hold onto moments like these where he professed more than he realized and when they were dating, she sometimes wished he was as open as he was being in the moment. As she listened to the man she still loved speak so openly she couldn't help herself but feel full of gratitude for the love they had experienced together and afterwards sorrow for the fact that she felt the magic had withered beyond their control. 

She wished she was near him as she took in his words, "I still love you. I can’t imagine ever stopping."

"Come back home" whispered Ethan fearing the response he knew awaited him.

"I wish I could."

"I know."

Before he knew it, the phone call had ended and all he was left with was an ache on his chest he was unable to shake. The last straw of optimism that he had fiercely carried for the past couple of months, one that told him that a single phone call could undo the damage he had deliberately created had vanished.

In retrospect, he knew that sleeping with Harper had been his way of having the upper hand and sheltering him from his own insecurities. He had feared that she had changed him too much, soften the character that he had portrayed to the world which terrified him. Harper was a reminder of somebody who had fallen in love with him but did not try to change him or push his boundaries. Furthermore, he had admitted something that had been weighing heavily during the course of their almost three year relationship, the night they broke up. Ethan indeed feared that she had been or at least considered sleeping with Bryce during their relationship, their chemistry was too palpable not to worry. He knew that sleeping with Harper that night gave him the upper hand, and she would not hurt him if he ever revealed to him that she cheated on him. However, he didn't know that her vanishing without trace would reopen wounds he was not ready to deal with like his own mother's abandonment and his fear that no one would ever truly love him unconditionally. 

That morning he tried to remain awake despite the restless night, before the doctor came in to do the ultrasound Ethan said sincerely, " Harper, I know I haven't been here for you in the way you need but I want you to know that I am all in. " They were both doctors who had seen every possible case in the spectrum yet the moment they first saw their daughter's ultrasound and heard her heartbeat left them both completely speechless. Ethan's eyes softened as he looked at Harper with pure adoration and simply said, " She's ours ."

Months later, they found themselves in a similar position, " I can't believe we're parents ." They shared a meaningful gaze knowing they would be by each other’s lives forever. They had been each other's constant for years and now they shared something deep and meaningful that they knew would bound them together for the rest of their lives and it felt right. They loved and respected each other. They knew they would trust the other to protect their child. 

Ethan and Harper shared a tender kiss. As they watched her sleep in Harper's arms, Ethan whispered softly, "Harper, I love her. Thank you for making me a father. She's perfect and you're perfect. "

* * *

As she entered the hospital, she couldn't help but see the irony of her son's spontaneous arrival for she had always been cognizant of her own impulsiveness even if Ethan thought she needed to be reminded whenever he was frustrated. A wave of relief washed over her when Ethan rushed to her side to kiss her and caress her hair, he glanced at Harper gratefully and they followed their doctor to the labor and delivery wing. 

He held her hand as he continuously reassured her through painful contractions, " I'm here, baby... " 

"I was scared you weren't going to make it... " she was able to mutter in between sharp breaths.

He felt a pang in his heart at the revelation and reassured her, "I wouldn't have missed this for the world."

"I love you so much. I promise whatever we’re dealing with, we are going to get through." His eyes softened and their lips brushed the others as they entered the room in which their lives would forever change due to the addition of their growing family.

Postpartum made her feel sleepy and defenseless, she was wrestling with her body to remain awake and intake the first hours with her son. The room had just begun to dwindle down from the outpour of familiar voices and congratulations. At the moment, she was watching alone in the hospital room with Ethan utterly fascinated by how natural fatherhood seemed to materialize within him. When she analyzed his features, she registered the facial features of a man she knew better than she knew herself. 

Ethan was thoroughly overwhelmed with emotions as he held his newborn son. As he observed the baby, he recognized that he was smaller than Gianna had been at birth. Despite having been through the process of fatherhood once, he had difficulty not listening to the renewed fears of everything that could go wrong or happen to his child. There was nothing in the world that he ever wanted more than to protect his family from harm's way. He saw the mother of his child gaze at their son completely mesmerized at the human before her and all of his worries vanished. He recalled after their breakup, he had told Naveen that being with her put all his fears at ease and immediately recognized that she would be that for their son as well. As he placed the baby in her arms once again, they kissed fervently, pure euphoria coursing through their veins. Their son was a product of their love and every decision that they had made in this life had led them to this moment. " Jonah... Jonah Ramsey, " she smiled. Ethan looked at her trying not to choke up at the name, his own middle name, that she had chosen for their son to carry. They both knew without a doubt that it was perfect for the young boy. He leaned towards her and kissed once more, extending the gratitude he had for her and the life they were building together. It was difficult to predict where the future would take them but they knew for certain that they would always be a family.


End file.
